Tonight is one of those nights where my mind is being all emotional and overwhelmed; only way to get rid of that is to write down what is on my mind of course. It goes like this:
"I'm not like you...I hopes everything between us turns out amazing, and sorry if I sound too cliché saying this but I hope our relationship does last forever. I really and truly do not want anyone else but you to be honest. It might be a bit early in our relationship to say that but hey it is the truth and I will only write the truth. These past few months of knowing you has been the greatest couple of months that I have ever had and this past month of actually being your girlfriend...well let's just say that I can glad that I am able to call you mine. Life is full of ups and downs and mistakes will be made and we meet and lose people alone the way, this I already know, but with you I have never felt so loved like the way that I feel when I am with you...another reason why I don't ever want to lose you. The way that you smile when we kiss, the way you look at me with such happiness in your eyes, the way you gently touch my skin as if it were fragile...I can honestly keep on going...all of the little things you do show me that you truly care for me and that you do truly like me. I love the way that you think and see the bigger picture, how you care for your family SO MUCH(loved that I was able to actually witness that today), how you are able to motivate me without even knowing that you are, how you are able to make me laugh even when I don't want to smile sometimes, how you are not afraid to introduce me to your best friends(shows how happy I must make you), how you are such a hard worker but still make time to do things that you want to do, how you are able to make me smile just by being you. Yesterday night you told me that you loved me and it kind of caught me off guard, I know it is not in a I truly love you way it was probably more like a I love you as a friend type of way(then again I don't truly know that or not) but it got me thinking as the night progressed I truly do see myself being able to tell you I love you one day, I kind of already do but as you told me before there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. To be honest I could see myself falling in love with you too, already got me liking you so much that it might not even be good for my health how much I like you. While I am being completely honest, I kind of did start to fall in love with you, but until it is 100% or close to it, I will keep that to myself for now. Again I know it is a bit early in our relationship to say all this, but I only write what I truly feel and I apologize now if that scares you a bit. You are truly the first guy to treat me better that I feel like I deserve, and that...truly means the world to me.
What I need you to know though is that when I fall, I fall hard so be careful. And just so you don't forget I did not forget what you told me, enjoy the experience while you have it and whatever happens happens( a motto I have lived by for a very long time). So I will do just that. I will indeed enjoy and cherish every moment we are able to share together and every moment that I get to call you mine because I couldn't be any more happier. I don't know if our relationship will last forever, but I know that everyday with you is a day I will always remember"
As you can see I am full of a lot of hidden emotions that will come bursting out sometimes...apparently with tears too, just know I don't ever forget what you tell me.
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Friday, April 3, 2015
Short Update
I feel like I haven't written here for a while, so I apologize for that I have been busy keeping up with school as always...19 credits is no joke. Anyways since I do not have a specific thing on my mind tonight I will just give you an update on what's going on in my life.
First off, I finally finished signing up for my Senior Year classes this upcoming Fall...yes I know I still can't believe it either. I will finally be able to say that I made it to my Senior Year of college and yes it went by really fast. It has been a rough couple of years for me, for those of you who know me or have read some of my previous blog post may know what I am talking about. Anything from sickness, to more sickness, to stress, to leadership positions, to hospital visits, to long nights of studying, boys, and did I mention sickness; it has been three years of many ups and downs, but I would not be here without all of that....even though I can sooooo deal without the sickness part. I know it isn't over just yet and it will get harder, but I can honestly say that the last three years of college have prepared me for my final year at Saint Xavier University.
Second thing is....yes you guessed it....it is about a guy. I have seen my fair share of guys throughout my college career, but this one is different I promise you that much. I will not disclose any name because I like secrets :) but I can tell you that no one has ever made me feel as happy as he makes me. Even when I will still at the stage of figuring out if I liked him as more of a friend, I had never met a guy who I could talk to for hours about the most randomest things, laugh constantly, and smile with purpose. When I wasn't even looking, he came out of no where and somehow brought more happiness to my life. Even when I am not able to see him, he is still able to make me smile and laugh...and blush. Before I go on a long rant about him, I will just say this one last thing about him. He has been able to motivate me in ways that he doesn't even know about and has helped me with problems that he never knew I had, and I will always truly appreciate that about him.
And last but least, I would like to officially say that it has been a year since I have tried to commit suicide. One of my biggest accomplishments in years. For those of you who don't know I have tried suicide for many years and actually ended up in the hospital last year where I had a huge wake up call. Are the thoughts still there every night? Yes but that is a work in progress. We are all fighting our own battles whether we show it to the world or not, and this battle I plan on winning
Well there you have it a short update on what is going on in my life :)
First off, I finally finished signing up for my Senior Year classes this upcoming Fall...yes I know I still can't believe it either. I will finally be able to say that I made it to my Senior Year of college and yes it went by really fast. It has been a rough couple of years for me, for those of you who know me or have read some of my previous blog post may know what I am talking about. Anything from sickness, to more sickness, to stress, to leadership positions, to hospital visits, to long nights of studying, boys, and did I mention sickness; it has been three years of many ups and downs, but I would not be here without all of that....even though I can sooooo deal without the sickness part. I know it isn't over just yet and it will get harder, but I can honestly say that the last three years of college have prepared me for my final year at Saint Xavier University.
Second thing is....yes you guessed it....it is about a guy. I have seen my fair share of guys throughout my college career, but this one is different I promise you that much. I will not disclose any name because I like secrets :) but I can tell you that no one has ever made me feel as happy as he makes me. Even when I will still at the stage of figuring out if I liked him as more of a friend, I had never met a guy who I could talk to for hours about the most randomest things, laugh constantly, and smile with purpose. When I wasn't even looking, he came out of no where and somehow brought more happiness to my life. Even when I am not able to see him, he is still able to make me smile and laugh...and blush. Before I go on a long rant about him, I will just say this one last thing about him. He has been able to motivate me in ways that he doesn't even know about and has helped me with problems that he never knew I had, and I will always truly appreciate that about him.
And last but least, I would like to officially say that it has been a year since I have tried to commit suicide. One of my biggest accomplishments in years. For those of you who don't know I have tried suicide for many years and actually ended up in the hospital last year where I had a huge wake up call. Are the thoughts still there every night? Yes but that is a work in progress. We are all fighting our own battles whether we show it to the world or not, and this battle I plan on winning
Well there you have it a short update on what is going on in my life :)
"Happy Holy Week and Have a Happy Easter"
Til Next Time,
Christina <3
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