Unknown

This post may not be as happy and cheery as my other posts but I will try my best. I wrote this a few days ago when I.....well you will understand when you read it.

"Do you ever just wonder why some things just do go your way? or feel as though you don't really belong anywhere? or what is you purpose in life? or when will it be your time to go? or do you ever feel like you are at war with your own thoughts? These are the questions that I ask myself everyday and what I go through everyday because I am at war with my own thoughts. On the outside you will always see the girl who loves to smile, laughs at practically anything, loves to help everyone no matter what, who cares, does what she is told, will talk non-stop if you let me....and will never show that I am ever hurt. I can only hide feelings so much and for so long before I completely go insane.

I go through every day doing what I am told, to only get called lazy at the end of the day as if I sat down all day without a care in the world. But don't I dare say anything because I will always be wrong for saying my own opinion or even "talking back" (even though that's what you do in a conversation) For that I hold in any opinion I may have because my opinion doesn't matter in this house. That leads into the next thing, why no one ever listens to what I say when I do talk; which leads me to being even more quite and keeping a lot more inside. I learn in church that I should always be nice to others and do things from the kindness of my heart and never expect anything in return. I never expect anything in return when I do something nice for someone, but all they do is take advantage of my niceness even though they may never deserve it...

A lot of this leads me to feeling as if I really don't matter to anyone EVER, like I don't fit in anywhere...I know it isn't true but that's just how I feel most of the time being home and at school most times. Feeling like this contributes to my suicidal thoughts....yes I said suicidal thoughts. The thoughts that I am at war with every single day weather I want to or not. When will the day come where my thoughts just win and my time on earth is done? I don't know. When will I just let them win? I don't know that either. All I know is that I do have people who will help me not let these thoughts take over and win....No, I may not know where I am going in life or what I want to do, but I do know that no matter what I will always have someone worth fighting for...no matter how many times I may be ignored, or how many tears I may shed, or even how many times I get called lazy and useless etc.(because there are many more).

Love

Christina Roman

Fairytales and Weddings

For those of you who read my blog, I apologize for not posting anything new for a couple of days now, I have been spending a lot of time outside because of the amazing weather or just simply trying to figure out what to write about next...then it hit me...no it really didn't :( BUT then it did, I will explain.
 
Every little girl dreams a being a princess at a point in their childhood, growing up watching Disney princess movies, getting married to a prince one day,  dressing up, knowing that anyone can be a princess if they really wanted to. Me, I dreamed of being a princess, but not just any princess...I wanted to be just like Ariel, the underwater  red head princess (and no that isn't why my hair is now red). Ariel was just that one princess that stood out to me because not only did she live under the water, she was quite curious, rebellious, talked to sea creatures, had an amazing singing voice, was a MERMAID, and  did everything she could so that she can have true love. (that may explain my love for the water, but that is a story for another time). Anyways although I had a love for princesses and wanted to be one, I did not play dress up because it never really interest me. And marrying a prince, who wants to do that...Not me, just kidding. To be honest, I have been secretly planning my wedding day since I was about ten years old, just because I wanted to have that fairytale wedding that every little girl dreams of. With a big puffy dress, and all the sparkles, and riding away into the sunset. 

I have always wanted a wedding on the beach no matter what because for me that is the perfect wedding spot, and one day I will say "I do" on the beach to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. For the past couple years I stopped thinking about my wedding because I had more important things to worry about, it isn't until a few days ago that I started to plan again because I am currently dating the man that I want to marry one day: my boyfriend Connor. And what I love the most is that he is getting into the whole planning thing with me. (/.\) I am one lucky girl.

The other day I chose the colors that I want my wedding to be, and that is Mint and Gold. These colors look absolutely perfect together...and thanks to my fabulous Pinterest board, I am getting ideas on how I would love my wedding to look like. Such as the two dresses below :) that are stunning. The wedding will possibly be at the midpoint of us since we live in to different states separated by Lake Michigan. More details to come....but not many :P
 
 

More of my ideas are on my Pinterest Board (link below)

 

 

                                        http://pinterest.com/christinav94/wedding/

Til Next Time :)

My Best Friend

Today I was told about someone (for certain reasons) who wasn't acting like the "best friend" they supposedly were, so they turned out not being the true friends. It got me thinking about my best friend Thalia and everything we have been through and no matter what choices we make we are always there for each other.

So today I want to take the time to tell you about my bestest friend in the whole wide word, Thalia.

Thalia and me were not always the best of friends...we actually started off as enemies and did not want anything to do with each other...and it was all over a guy. (yes, how stupid). Little did we know that, that certain guy would end up the reason why we began talking in the first place, leading into our forever friendship. (but that is a long story).

My besty is the complete opposite of me: she is super duper crazy and sometimes loud and drives me insane sometimes, and overall super outgoing but I would not want her any other way. I love her how she is because there is more than just her being crazy and loud, she is always honest with me, she isn't afraid to show how she feels, she is crazy smart; she will do amazing things one day, she doesn't judge, and will always be there for me no matter what. She is like the little sister I never got and I will always love having her around. I would honestly do anything just to see her smile, no matter what it is I have to do....even if I don't always agree with what she wants, I don't want to see her hurt. I always want to see her beautiful smile.

No, we may not talk as much as we should (which is mostly my fault) but we still have the unbreakable connection that will never be broken, and when we do talk it is as like we never stopped talking and you would never know we were enemies once upon a time. With us you never know what you are going to get: laughter, smiles, anger, tears, but we go through it all together.

Honestly, I would never want to replace my best friend because from the start of our friendship, when everyone else has turned against me, she is always on my side. We aren't perfect, but that is what makes us, us....we learn from each other. She may be 2 years younger than me, but I do look up to her because of who she has become...and who she is becoming each day.  I Love My Best Friend Thalia and I always will.

"A Friend is someone who Understands your Past, Believes in your Future, and accepts you just the way you are"

Social Club

So not posting for a while because of my busy life, made me sad. Now it is time to catch you up with all of my fun adventures/exhausting life. I am not one known to be "popular" so I don't get invited to parties often or go out all the time with friends and I am perfectly okay with that...my large family makes up for all of that. Every summer I am reminded on how big my family truly is and how popular we truly are.

I attended my cousin's Quince. And let me tell you she looked absolutely beautiful in her big red dress. It was a night a food, speeches, and LOTS of dancing....and almost broken heels. I like dancing, it is part of who I am, so I danced with my stepdad, who can dance way better than I am but I will catch on soon. I then soon noticed that the guy I had kissed before with was in the Quince (don't worry none of those feelings were there anymore for neither of us). I am happily taken and don't plan on ruining that.
Word of advice: Do not dance with a guy you once kissed and you are happy with another guy, especially in a tight black dress.....Don't worry I didn't do that, I'm just saying.

 Then it was time to take off all the fancy stuff and get ready the next morning for my brothers baseball game. (By the way, the picture to the left is my mom and I, we both wore our All Stars without realizing that the other one was wearing them too.) Another word of advice: Don't wear your hair down to a baseball game, there is a slight chance that it will be super windy and it will blow all in your face along with the dirt from the field :(  To then go to another party, feeling all gross


It was then time again to put on the fancy clothes again and go to yet another party; this time it was a graduation party for my cousin who just graduated 8th Grade. I did no dancing at this party, but I sure did eat a lot of CANDY. You want me to love you forever? Bring me Candy :) j/k candy can't buy friendships, but I might consider it. Anyways, by this time I was already all partied out and was ready to take a nap....which for those of you who don't know me, I DON'T TAKE NAPS. Thank god driving makes me tired and I knocked out a little on the way back home while still tempting to text my boyfriend...or soon to be boyfriend (/.\) he is still mine regardless <3.

Did not even get to sleep in the next day :( woke up and was able to Skype my boyfriend once again and tell him about my restless night :'( but that is a story for another day. 

 

-CHRISTINA <3