Belize Service Trip

 Hello this post is not like my usual blog post that I usually write. Today I ask for help to raise money so that I will be able to go on a Belize Mercy International Service Trip.

The Belize Mercy International Service Trip sends students visit Altun Ha, an ancient Mayan cultural site. Where we will meet and visit with the Belizean Sisters of Mercy, spend time at a daycare center for children affected by HIV-AIDS, and enjoy an outing to one of the Caribbean cayes. Themain purpose of this trip, however,  is service, We will work daily to construct and paint a simple house for a family in need of decent shelter. This service trip will take place May 17th-24th, 2015.  Many do apply to have the opportunity to go on this trip but only 12 students are choosen to go, so it is a true blessing to be choosen as one of 12 students that will be attending this service trip. I know I will not be able to raise all the money on my own, so I ask for your help in reaching my goal. I will be extremely greatful for any small donation given. If you would like to donate the link is listed below.

Thank You,
 Christina

http://www.gofundme.com/j3zgxo

Learning

Last night I had yet another breakdown out of nowhere. I felt fine throughout the day and then it all of a sudden just hit me. At that point I had never felt so alone, as if I was completely alone. At that point, I just wanted to be held and be told that everything is going to be okay. When you start to like a guy that does not even go to your school, remember what that also comes with. It comes with hardly any talking throughout the day, hardly ever seeing each other, and hardly any time to fit your schedules together. It also comes with a lot of lonely nights where you may feel as though he doesn’t care, and though it may feel like that, you do not know what is going through his head and he may be feeling the same way too. Having two completely different schedules and responsibilities can be tough because you can become unsure if he actually likes you or not. It is also tough because sometimes it feels as though he isn’t making enough time for you…no need to get needy, it isn’t attractive…anyways that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to come see you but his priorities have to come first just like yours do. There are times where he is going through something tough and you have no idea how to help him out without physically being there and feel as though you aren’t good enough to make him feel better, well a loss is pretty tough and sometimes you just have to let them cope with it on their own and when they are ready to talk make sure you are there to listen 100%; make sure he knows that you are always there for him whenever he needs you.

Some things just take time and when you are in this type of situation with liking a person who you don’t see every day it calls for having a little patience with him and not always stressing about if he likes you enough or if he even cares. He does, it is hard to show it through the phone, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t. Sometimes when you are used to getting all the attention from a guy that you see every day to not getting as much attention because the he has priorities is a little bit of a hard transition, but it isn’t impossible. Not seeing a person everyday doesn’t mean it has to be hard, just have to work with the communication that you have with him and cherish what you have.

I just really hope that I am right about this and that he still does like and care about me like he says he does…and that I will see him soon.

 

-Christina V. Roman

Unforgettable Summer

      Every summer has a story of its own...as one common quote states "Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better." This may all be true, but summer is a bit more than just that from changes, jobs, vacations, break-ups, goal making, challenges, realizations, and so much more it is hard to describe it all in just one word; if I had to describe my summer in just one word that would have to be: Adventure. This summer was one I will definitely remember because of all the amazing things I got to experience, the amazing people I have met, and of course the amazing places I went. Instead of describing it all in one long post I will let you all see some of the pictures of my amazing Summer Adventure.  Though not much happened over the summer due to Summer classes at Truman College and my new Job at McDonalds; which took up majority of my summer, I still enjoyed the little things that I was able to experience throughout the summer. Going on vacation two weeks before school started (as shown below) was just what I needed to get ready for my Junior year at Saint Xavier University. Can't wait to tell you all about my school year.
Well that is all for now, have to go to class.
Til next time <3

Christina 

Orlando, Florida

 

 

My Besty <3 Thalia

                                                     

All Smiles with my God-Sister and God-Brother

Did I mention that we also got a new cat :) 

New Addition to our family: Mia

My Mom, My Strength, My Forever Friend

Mother's Day was this past Sunday and I did not get the chance to tell you about how amazing my own mother is, so here is my chance to tell you about my Mom, my Strength, and my Forever Friend. 

From the beginning it was not easy for my mom; having my sister at age 19 then me the year after causing her to be unable to go to college. My mom was a single mother raising two girls all on her own for quite some time, but she did her best to make sure that we had a roof over our head, were safe from harm, and had food to eat. Of course, the little family we had were always there to help out as much as possible to ensure that we were getting a good childhood. Though things were not always sunshine and rainbows, she managed to raise us into the young woman that we are today. Even today she continues to be my strength to keep on going and strive to achieve more than I believe I can achieve. My mom is the strongest woman in my life because when life try's to knock her down, whether it be a death in the family, or money issues, or working long hours, she gets back up and keeps on going with a smile on her face. I am similar to my mom because like me she holds a lot in and worries about others and ensures they are happy before she worries about herself, she will do anything to see her children smile. One thing not everyone knows about my mom, is that though she is only 40, she is and will always be a kid at heart who just likes to joke around and go out and just have fun. Being able to joke around with her always makes my day so much better. No matter how far I fell down dealing with my own mental issues, my mother was there to keep me on my feet. I honestly believe that without my mother, I wouldn't be here today. Though she gives us all our privacy, she is always close enough that if I ever need her she is there for me. If I need her help, she will be there in a heartbeat, but if she knows in her heart that I am strong enough to do something on my own, she will not help me but encourage me. That is because she knows what I am capable of even when I do not know myself. Especially when it comes to school, I would not be attending college if it wasn't for my mother helping me pay for my education and her words of encouragement every time I have a lot of work to get done.

As a child my mom was always protective over me and my sister like every mother should, whether it be how long we stayed outside, being taken to and from school each day, or even the people we hung out with. Though it may have seemed like a bit much sometimes, I realize that you were just being a good mother who wanted to keep us out of harms way and teach us how to be more cautious with  the world around us. I also remember as a child how my mom gave us a birthday party for every birthday until we reached age 10, though they may not have been extravagant birthday parties they were amazing birthdays because she showed us that she cared enough to give us a birthday party to celebrate another birthday. 

Another thing I love about my mom is that without her strength I would have given up a long time ago and would of just given up on life overall, but my mom is the only reason I truly need to keep on going and living. As I have gone through life, friends have come and gone, but my mother never went anywhere.

Throughout the years she has been the role model that I needed through the rough times, through the easy times, through the in-between times, through the fun times, and even through the lets just give up times. Without my mom I would not be the person I am today, I am glad to be able to call my mom, My mom. There is not enough words to describe how much I love my mom and  how much appreciate everything that she has and continues to do for me each and every day.

 "The Bond between mothers and their children is defined by love. As a mother's prayers for her children are unending, so are the wisdom, grace, and strength she provides to her children"

Always Here.

I never truly understood the phrase "you are here for a purpose" or "everything happens for a reason, I know what it  means to some extent, but I always felt like I would never find my purpose or if I even had one. I also never understood why the negative things in my life happened that caused me to become suicidal, quiet, so caring, and fear a lot.

Today I now understand the phrase "Everything happens for a reason". I will not say what I was told that led me to understand that phrase(don't want to expose them), but I will tell you the story on why I never understood it. After a major event happened to me as a child I had become suicidal at age 9 because I could no longer live with myself or have peace with myself. I did everything I could do, without my mother knowing, to attempt suicide. I went to the only thing that was easy for me: pills in an attempt to overdose. Of course I could never take enough to kill myself, something always made me stop, and it just ended up making me sick. Ever since then, I have tried at least 15-20 times a year when those moments of defeat hit me or my thoughts take over, and yet I am still here stronger than ever....still at war with my inner thoughts. I always felt alone because no one knew about what I had tried to do for many years; I told a close friend of mine one day and he asked me if he could tell his mom about it because we share a similar experience. After telling her she took me out to dinner and we just talked about our experiences and created a really strong bond, and I no longer felt alone and knew that I had someone to go to if I ever needed someone to talk to; she became like my second mom that knew exactly what I was going through. She still even texts me to see how I am doing every now and then, I will always love getting a text from her. 

After talking to her, I did not attempt suicide as much as I had before but I still did try. I tried because I still had those moments where my thoughts took over and I started to feel defeated and that I will never find peace in my life. I no longer trusted myself being alone in a room because that is when my mind will tell me is the perfect time to do it since no one is around, so I do not keep any pills in my room to overpower my mind. It works, but the thoughts never go away. I do not think of trying to killing myself as much as I did before because I am starting to find my peace with myself little by little. I have people around me who care about me, I don't feel alone(sometimes), and I know longer let my past affect me. Sure there are times where my inner thoughts take over and I break down and want to kill myself; but I just see it as part of the process to me finding completely peace with myself, I never go through with killing myself because I have gotten stronger. 

Earlier today, the thoughts of killing myself came back to me, and since I am at home it is just that much easier with all the pills I have access too. I distracted myself as much as I could and then my friend told me their story of also being suicidal currently and it just hit me. I knew exactly how they felt and that it was not easy to admit a thing like that. I won't treat them any different than I did before I knew(not that I treated them bad because I don't) and I won't look at them different, but I told them that if they ever needed to talk about it that I am always here to listen and help them out in any way possible. God saved me so that I live to tell my story and  help those who are going through what I once went through, I may not be able to change someones mind about suicide, but I hope I can help save another life and let them know that I am always here to listen whenever they feel as though they want to attempt suicide. No one should ever feel alone. So if you ever need someone to just listen, I am here no matter what, to help you get through this tough journey. 


In the words of Mrs. Sode "Only those who have lived through it can truly understand". I understand what you are going through, to some extent, you never have to be alone.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the U.S call 1-800-273-8255

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/‎              suicidehotlines.net/‎            HELP SAVE A LIFE.

Moving Forward

“The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.”

Job 17:9

This post I dedicate to all of those who have been hurt by someone, something, or a mixture of both, and know that sometimes it is not easy to just move on and forget. Me, for instance, I learn to bottle things up inside and pretend that everything is okay and that it is just another thing to ignore. Keeping everything inside becomes hard to do because I start to blame myself for everything that goes on in my life and everything bothers me...including those past memories that hurt me; I do not want those things to ruin me anymore or continue to make me feel bad about everything including myself, I want to be able to go on with my life knowing that just because I have a bad day does not mean I have a bad life. I can go on with my life everyday living with little regrets, little pain and still be happy to be breathing, but first let me take you down memory lane a little bit to show you how I got to this point.

The typical boy meets girl story: Boy meets girl, Boy likes girl, Girl likes Boy, Boy and Girl become friends, Both hide their feelings due to having a significant other, Boy and Girl become inseparable, Both end it with their significant others for different reasons, soon Boy and Girl confess feelings for each other, Boy and Girl date,  Boy and Girl break up 2 1/2 months later...yes that is a mouthful :)

I have been hurt in the past by many other guys, but this certain break up hit me hard because the bond that we had created 9 months prior to us dating was broken in an instance and I never saw it coming. Everything he had ever said to me I questioned if he was telling the truth or not...even after that I still believed every word he had said to me. My heart would not let me get over him and still wanted him, which let to me being hurt every time I saw him with another girl, or starting to like another girl, and I could not fully like a guy without the thought of him coming to mind. I shed too many tears for him because I missed being with him and felt that he was what I needed to be happy; those were not even necessary.

It was not until two days ago, as I read every message he had ever sent me, that I realized what am I doing myself? crying over something that was truly real, holding myself back from better things, hurting myself emotionally by holding onto him...That all had to stop. That moment was the moment I knew I was over him, everything that had happened no longer hurt me, I started to learn from it all and become happy with myself. For once my past no longer hurt me, I have moved past it all and realized I can truly learn from my past because we encounter pain and struggles to learn that we are strong and can get through anything that gets thrown our way if we focus on the positives in our life and learn from all the negatives.

I have learned :

1. I deserve to be Happy 

2. I am strong

3. Don't trust too easily

4. Learn to be happy with myself

5. I am beautiful

6. Don't worry about what others say/think about me

7. My mistakes don't define me, they make me stronger

8. Never forget to smile

"So remember just because you have a bad day doesn't mean your life is over, just learn from what hurt you and continue with your life."

The one who keeps me going

Never forget to Smile

Though she may be broken,
she continues to Smile
and learn from her past.
<3

P.S. Sorry if this post confuses you a little bit, I write what is in my head, and my thoughts are always jumbled :)

Dedication

I have not posted in a long time school has overtaken my life as usual, and I don't just write to write, I write 
when the time feels most right. 


When we lose someone close to us all we seem to do is blame God or blame our-self for not being able to do anything about it; we shouldn't blame ourselves for something that was not in our control we can grief about it for so long, but we must learn and realize that as we keep their memory alive they are watching us from up above.
Tonight I dedicate this post to those who I have lost over the past two years:




My Great Grandfather(The one to the far right) who was the sweetest and most strongest guy I know. He faught until the very end. Knowing his time was coming to an end he accepted the fact that he did not have much time left. Family came to visit him everyday, spending hours in the hospital just to watch tv with him and listen to him complain about the food that they were giving him :). He passed due to cancer, that he could no longer stop or fight off; he watches over me everyday reminding me to remember to live my life to the fullest before my time is up. <3
My uncle Raul (The one to the far left) who never failed to make fun of me just to make me laugh. He was the most stubbornest and funniest guy I will ever know. Christmas 2011 was spent with him in Orlando, where he wanted us to all where matching pajamas (yes we all matched), and then argued with us when the Bulls and Heat played the next day :).
He did not see it coming when cancer hit him and he faught it for months, and though he was in pain he did not show it in any way possible. Sadly it came to a point where his body stopped reacting to treatment and it was all in God's hands. He too watches over me every single day reminding me that it is okay to be stubborn sometimes but not too stubborn, and to laugh at the little mistakes in life because it isn't the end of the world.

The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God. 

 

Prom 2012 (Picture: Property of Angel Mendez)

My friend and fellow classmate Johnathon Santiago, who I could never clearly understand(in a good way). He was one who did and said whatever came to mind no matter what it was, and always got everyone to laugh with him not at him. We shared multiple classes together and were even in choir together and though we did not speak much, I knew he was a very intelligent young man, who always challenged our teachers and enjoyed making people laugh in the process. He did not pass of natural causes or diseases, he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time(not going into details). When he passed we were not the only ones to lose a fellow classmate and friend, he was also the boyfriend to the girl standing next to him: Angel. She lost the one guy who made her truly happy, they had been dating for a couple years before his passing. They were the cutest couple and that couple that you would look at and say "Wow, they are still together, wish I could have that". Though he has passed, she continues to keep his memory alive everyday and becomes stronger as well. My heart and prayers continue to go out to her and his family <3

Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,

May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.

~Author Unknown

(Picture: Property of  @jillcutrooo)

The most recent passing of someone not very close to me, but connected by family: Jeremy Angel Rivera. Jeremy did not see cancer coming. After being admitted into the ICU for pneumonia, the doctors took a bone marrow biopsy and he was then diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. While being heavily sedated they gave him chemo.  Due to the fact that his lungs were filling with blood he could not breathe and the chemo didn't work. His other organs started to fail and before they knew it, we had lost him. I did not know Jeremy personally only through family, but hearing this simply broke my heart. He was so young, so handsome, so talented, to be taken away so soon. He also had a beautiful girlfriend (Jill) by his side... tonight my heart and prayers especially go out to her and Jeremy's family as they are going through this period of grief and as they keep his memory alive. November 27, 2013 Heaven gain another beautiful angel to watch us all, especially Jill, he will give her the strength to go on everyday continuing to get stronger and letting her know that he is always with her. <3

"The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, 

but the things you do for others remain as your legacy"