Moving Forward

“The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.”

Job 17:9

This post I dedicate to all of those who have been hurt by someone, something, or a mixture of both, and know that sometimes it is not easy to just move on and forget. Me, for instance, I learn to bottle things up inside and pretend that everything is okay and that it is just another thing to ignore. Keeping everything inside becomes hard to do because I start to blame myself for everything that goes on in my life and everything bothers me...including those past memories that hurt me; I do not want those things to ruin me anymore or continue to make me feel bad about everything including myself, I want to be able to go on with my life knowing that just because I have a bad day does not mean I have a bad life. I can go on with my life everyday living with little regrets, little pain and still be happy to be breathing, but first let me take you down memory lane a little bit to show you how I got to this point.

The typical boy meets girl story: Boy meets girl, Boy likes girl, Girl likes Boy, Boy and Girl become friends, Both hide their feelings due to having a significant other, Boy and Girl become inseparable, Both end it with their significant others for different reasons, soon Boy and Girl confess feelings for each other, Boy and Girl date,  Boy and Girl break up 2 1/2 months later...yes that is a mouthful :)

I have been hurt in the past by many other guys, but this certain break up hit me hard because the bond that we had created 9 months prior to us dating was broken in an instance and I never saw it coming. Everything he had ever said to me I questioned if he was telling the truth or not...even after that I still believed every word he had said to me. My heart would not let me get over him and still wanted him, which let to me being hurt every time I saw him with another girl, or starting to like another girl, and I could not fully like a guy without the thought of him coming to mind. I shed too many tears for him because I missed being with him and felt that he was what I needed to be happy; those were not even necessary.

It was not until two days ago, as I read every message he had ever sent me, that I realized what am I doing myself? crying over something that was truly real, holding myself back from better things, hurting myself emotionally by holding onto him...That all had to stop. That moment was the moment I knew I was over him, everything that had happened no longer hurt me, I started to learn from it all and become happy with myself. For once my past no longer hurt me, I have moved past it all and realized I can truly learn from my past because we encounter pain and struggles to learn that we are strong and can get through anything that gets thrown our way if we focus on the positives in our life and learn from all the negatives.

I have learned :

1. I deserve to be Happy 

2. I am strong

3. Don't trust too easily

4. Learn to be happy with myself

5. I am beautiful

6. Don't worry about what others say/think about me

7. My mistakes don't define me, they make me stronger

8. Never forget to smile

"So remember just because you have a bad day doesn't mean your life is over, just learn from what hurt you and continue with your life."

The one who keeps me going

Never forget to Smile

Though she may be broken,
she continues to Smile
and learn from her past.
<3

P.S. Sorry if this post confuses you a little bit, I write what is in my head, and my thoughts are always jumbled :)

Dedication

I have not posted in a long time school has overtaken my life as usual, and I don't just write to write, I write 
when the time feels most right. 


When we lose someone close to us all we seem to do is blame God or blame our-self for not being able to do anything about it; we shouldn't blame ourselves for something that was not in our control we can grief about it for so long, but we must learn and realize that as we keep their memory alive they are watching us from up above.
Tonight I dedicate this post to those who I have lost over the past two years:




My Great Grandfather(The one to the far right) who was the sweetest and most strongest guy I know. He faught until the very end. Knowing his time was coming to an end he accepted the fact that he did not have much time left. Family came to visit him everyday, spending hours in the hospital just to watch tv with him and listen to him complain about the food that they were giving him :). He passed due to cancer, that he could no longer stop or fight off; he watches over me everyday reminding me to remember to live my life to the fullest before my time is up. <3
My uncle Raul (The one to the far left) who never failed to make fun of me just to make me laugh. He was the most stubbornest and funniest guy I will ever know. Christmas 2011 was spent with him in Orlando, where he wanted us to all where matching pajamas (yes we all matched), and then argued with us when the Bulls and Heat played the next day :).
He did not see it coming when cancer hit him and he faught it for months, and though he was in pain he did not show it in any way possible. Sadly it came to a point where his body stopped reacting to treatment and it was all in God's hands. He too watches over me every single day reminding me that it is okay to be stubborn sometimes but not too stubborn, and to laugh at the little mistakes in life because it isn't the end of the world.

The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God. 

 

Prom 2012 (Picture: Property of Angel Mendez)

My friend and fellow classmate Johnathon Santiago, who I could never clearly understand(in a good way). He was one who did and said whatever came to mind no matter what it was, and always got everyone to laugh with him not at him. We shared multiple classes together and were even in choir together and though we did not speak much, I knew he was a very intelligent young man, who always challenged our teachers and enjoyed making people laugh in the process. He did not pass of natural causes or diseases, he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time(not going into details). When he passed we were not the only ones to lose a fellow classmate and friend, he was also the boyfriend to the girl standing next to him: Angel. She lost the one guy who made her truly happy, they had been dating for a couple years before his passing. They were the cutest couple and that couple that you would look at and say "Wow, they are still together, wish I could have that". Though he has passed, she continues to keep his memory alive everyday and becomes stronger as well. My heart and prayers continue to go out to her and his family <3

Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,

May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.

~Author Unknown

(Picture: Property of  @jillcutrooo)

The most recent passing of someone not very close to me, but connected by family: Jeremy Angel Rivera. Jeremy did not see cancer coming. After being admitted into the ICU for pneumonia, the doctors took a bone marrow biopsy and he was then diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. While being heavily sedated they gave him chemo.  Due to the fact that his lungs were filling with blood he could not breathe and the chemo didn't work. His other organs started to fail and before they knew it, we had lost him. I did not know Jeremy personally only through family, but hearing this simply broke my heart. He was so young, so handsome, so talented, to be taken away so soon. He also had a beautiful girlfriend (Jill) by his side... tonight my heart and prayers especially go out to her and Jeremy's family as they are going through this period of grief and as they keep his memory alive. November 27, 2013 Heaven gain another beautiful angel to watch us all, especially Jill, he will give her the strength to go on everyday continuing to get stronger and letting her know that he is always with her. <3

"The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, 

but the things you do for others remain as your legacy"